Time Traveling

            On August 29, 2010 in a time of uncertainty and brokenness I typed a prayer to God. The words that were typed by my fingers were as follows:

            Where do I need to go God? What do I need to do? You feel so far away, but I know that it is me who has pulled away. I’m broken, down trodden, swollen, bruised, confused and lonely. I cannot remember true joy in you. Father, how did I come from so far away to this place? Or have I always been at this place and I’m just now realizing it? You tell me to guard my heart, but I don’t know how! How can I place my heart in your hands, when the world tells me I shouldn’t? Trust in me, you say. Come to me and I will bring you rest, you teach. God where has my joy gone? I know you have not gone away, but I have. Why do the ways of this world bring me down so much? I want to know only your truth. I want to quit worrying about the plans you have for my life and start living the life you have given me now. Why can I not make my wants into realities? What is inhibiting this? Trust…in you, in the plans you have for me…that you, and only you, know what lies ahead for me.

How can I make you my heart’s focus? I want to give up my desire and make them only yours.

The words that came out that night were from a place that I had kept inside of myself attempting to hide these emotions from the world, from God, from myself. What happened during this time was the feelings that I had tried to stop came rushing back in order for healing to begin. No matter where you are in your walk take heart, my brothers and sisters, in knowing that joy does come. For Job 8:21 (NIV) states: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy. “ I cried out to the Lord and he heard my prayer. I have learned over the past few months that sometimes you just have to lay down your pride and cry at the feet of God for healing and joy to be let into your heart. Cry on, brothers and sisters, cry on.